i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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