dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
