I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
