my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
