He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
