Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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