If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
