i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The air was thick with penises
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
