Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
