she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Still dying that you shit outside
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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