i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
