you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
