So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
