I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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