these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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