Apparently you make a good broom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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