the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
