Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
