I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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