her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
