There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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