I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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