Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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