I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
