my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
