Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
