dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
