I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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