I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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