youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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