If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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