You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
