Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
