after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
