I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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