think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
