We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
