the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we're so committed to being not committed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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