she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
