she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
