he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
