I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
