Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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