wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
