well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
