worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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