So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
