We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize