Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
