So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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