i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
