jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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