I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
