You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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