i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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