hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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