i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
