At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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