Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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