Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize