How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
