I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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