She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
