"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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