You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
