I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
