Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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