Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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