What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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