I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
