he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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