you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
