Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The air taste purple.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
