When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
