my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
