Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize