A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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