and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
