My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
