why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
