I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
