The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
