btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
