I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just high enough for therapy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
