You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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