cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
