How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it glows. i had to have it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
