If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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