just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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