The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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