the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
