i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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