The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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