hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
