I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
