Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize