If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
