i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize